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“Elvira Mistress of the Dark 1988” Review

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark: Directed by James Signorelli. With Phil Rubenstein, Larry Flash Jenkins, Cassandra Peterson, Damita Jo Freeman. Upon arriving in a small town where she has inherited a rundown mansion, a famous horror hostess battles an evil uncle, and townspeople who want her burned at the stake.

I never did watch much of her stuff back when she was really big, in my own defense though this movie came out when I was 8 years old and with the puritanical family I was raised in, it’s no wonder she never really came across my radar. She recently came out as gay (bi?) and someone on MCS suggested watching the film to ‘celebrate’. Turns out that she’s everything that Adult me could ask for, a beautiful lady with huge assets, great puns, great tits, firm buns, huge boobs, deep necklines, innuendoes and the desire to show them off whenever possible. She’s a great example of a lady that loves showing off, but straight up is not a whore or a nympho as the cowboy fuck found out at the beginning of the movie and many men throughout. It’s astonishing to know that there’s still people out there that think if you can see the flesh, you should touch the flesh. Fellas, just sit back and enjoy the show, if there’s touching warranted from a lady showing off, I’m pretty sure she’s going to be communicative about the situation.

The plot of the movie follows along with what I believe her TV show was, lots of punny punchlines to sexy setups, puritanical townspeople aghast at the audacity of the going ons, fourth wall breaking and all sorts of good fun. It weren’t for the over the top puns, this could even be a G-Rated film for the most part! There is one scene that I would caution comic book collectors, I realize that it was a pretty recent book at the time, but there’s a scene where a copy of Amazing Spider-man #298 is ripped up to accentuate a point that one of the bad guys was making. I felt my soul die a little bit, it’s not a super expensive issues now days, about $50 – $100 depending on condition and slabbing, but to see the disrespect to the book, well I have never seen such a display of rough arrogance in my life!

A couple minor notes of the last few minutes, as she’s day dreaming of her trip out to Vegas, she’s headlining a show with “Shecky Green” as the bi-line. I had to look him up because that sounds like a made up name, but he’s a real guy known for his Vegas acts, so at the time that might have been a pretty funny bit that’s completely lost on me now. After the movie wraps, there’s a “in memory of “Robert Redding” who was the costume designer on the original Elvira shows, so thank you to his kind soul for the costumes we got to see on Elvira!

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